Thou Mayest
The first gift Jack ever gave me was a book.
It was one of John Steinbeck’s classics, “East of Eden”. It was his favorite book, and an excuse for us to keep meeting up together - to keep discussing it, of course.
Since marrying into his family I’ve come to realize this book is not just one of Jack’s favorite books but is an absolute Strutner classic. I’m pretty sure it’s required reading for anyone marrying into the family. ;)
But for good reason. Steinbeck meticulously crafts his characters and their backstories, making each of them relatable with their motivations and flaws. He wrestles with themes at the core of human nature, such as good and evil.
East of Eden is set in the Salinas Valley, vey near to where Jack grew up in Monterey.
A few weeks ago, I decided to pick up East of Eden again since it’s been over 10 years since I’ve read it. And once again, it hits home, but in a new way. I find it giving language to why we are here in Kenya.
In the book, there’s a long conversation between friends. One of the characters revisits the story of Cain and Abel in the Bible. He struggles with why God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but punished Cain. He goes on a quest to understand this passage, and has a revelation that the meaning of this whole story in Genesis comes down to one Hebrew phrase, “thou mayest”, or “timshel” in Hebrew.
Her argues that that this verse is mistranslated, “Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why are you looking down? Will not your face be happy if you do well? If you do not do well, sin is waiting to destroy you. Its desire is to rule over you, but you must rule over it.”
Instead of you must rule over it, the character argues that the Hebrew word used here, “timshel”, actually means you may rule over it.
Here’s an excerpt from the book:
“But the Hebrew word, the word timshel, ‘thou mayest’—that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. It says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if “thou mayest’—it is also true that “thou mayest not.” Don’t you see? …
Now there are millions in their sects and churches who feel the order, “Do though,” and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in ‘Thou shalt’. Nothing they do can interfere with what will be. But ‘Thou mayest’! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he still has the great choice…
It is easy out of laziness, out of weakness, to throw oneself into the lap of deity, saying, ‘I couldn’t help it; the way was set.’ But think of the glory of the choice! That makes a man a man. A cat has no choice, a bee must make honey. There’s no godliness there.”
Steinbeck so beautifully draws out the power of the human choice.
I think a lot of what Steinbeck is saying has to do with moral decisions between right and wrong. But it’s got me thinking of just the idea of choices in general, and how we ended up here in Kenya. I think it is so easy to lose sight of a very plain truth: our choices really matter.
It’s mind blowing to me what a difference we really can make as humans, and we get to decide what path we take.
As Steinbeck points out, it’s easy to presuppose “God is sovereign”, so things are the way they are because for some reason God wants it that way. I don’t want to get into the weeds theologically, but I think a more accurate assumption is that the world is not the way God wants it to be, and poor human choices is a big reason why.
Jack and I definitely don’t feel like we have to be here in Kenya. We know God will still love us the same us if we settled in Monterey. We aren’t earning his love by being here.
But for us, it’s a no brainer when you see the greatness of the need, paired alongside the impact you can make, and God’s heart for the poor. There are absolutely plenty of sacrifices involved, but it’s still a choice we gladly make.
Now don’t get me wrong. Some days we feel like we are knocking our heads against a wall in frustration. But then we see babies go home who quite honestly probably wouldn’t have without Jack’s expertise. We see patients get their insurmountable bills cleared. We see people who have lost hope find it again.
This is what we are intentionally choosing.
There is this weird idea of “calling” in Christian circles that I find so ambiguous. It makes it seem like you have to have a divine summons from God to move to another country.
Instead, why not just look at the world God loves so much, and see the many, many needs within it. And then make a choice about what you’ll do about it.
Thou may. Or thou mayest not. The choice is up to us.
As I’ve been chewing on this idea of choice, I’m struck by how many I have. Dr. Bill, one of the surgeons who’s been here for 25 years, said something really profound. He said that poverty isn’t about what’s in (or not in) your bank account.
Instead, poverty is a lack of choice; an inability to choose something different for your life.
Now, I think East of Eden is saying that to be human is to have a choice. You can choose good. You can choose evil.
But beyond that, there are many other choices I get to make that others do not.
I can choose where my kids go to school.
I can choose what career path I want to take.
I can choose from a variety of options what I want to eat for dinner.
I can choose what hospital, and what country, to deliver my baby in.
We’ve come to believe these choices are rights, when in fact they are privileges.
Most of the world does not have the privilege to make these choices. But I do.
So, knowing what I know, and seeing what I’ve seen - what choices will I make? How will I spend my disposable income? What will I invest my time into? What career path will I pursue - and for whose sake will I pursue it?
One of the things I love most about Jack’s story is that he decided from the very beginning that he would study medicine for the sake of the poor. I’m working on a video sharing a bit more of how we ended up here, and I love this line from his interview. It sadly is too long for the final edit so I’m glad I can share this wisdom here:
“When I was going through medical school, there’s so many tough times. You’re taking test after test to be evaluated weekly or even daily sometimes. And you have to have an internal drive. And for everyone it’s different. For some it’s money, some it’s prestige, some it’s parents. And for me it was always this idea that one day I’m going to be in a place where I’m really going to be able to help some people who are extremely marginalized and poor and can’t access this. How would I want to be treated if I were in their same situation? I’d want someone to help me. I’d want someone to sacrifice their time and their resources to help me. I would. And that’s such a beautiful privilege to be able to do that. To have the means to do that.
”
I love that he recognizes even his choosing to become a doctor, to come to an under-resourced place - it’s not just a choice but also a privilege.
And privilege is not something to feel bad about. Instead, it’s a gift we steward for the sake of another who doesn’t have it.
So ya. I guess that’s the way we feel about being here right now. We don’t have to do this because we’re “called”. We don’t have to do this to please God. Thou may. Though mayest not.
We choose to do this. And we feel lucky we GET to do this. It is our joy and privilege to steward what we have been given for the sake of others. And to know that it really makes a difference.
I suppose Steinbeck wants his readers to think about the idea that nothing in their life is settled. The path is always wide open. And our choices really matter.